We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The Olympian is in my bed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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