we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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