Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
