i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
now i know why i became what i already was.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
