I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He passed out mid-signature
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
