I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
