never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
