so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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