I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
