Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
