There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
