I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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