sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
