hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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