If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
