I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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