its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
