Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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