I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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