I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
