Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
