just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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