Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
