how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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