Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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