You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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