i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
