dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
