Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it because I queefed?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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