come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Houston, we have a squirter
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
