Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
