sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
