Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
