I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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