Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize