Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
