dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
