Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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