it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
