boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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