he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
