you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
