Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
