Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
