i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
