I wannas sexs uuuuu
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
