At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
