He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
