i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
