someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
