you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this beer tastes like vomit already
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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