Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
