meet me or not, i'm out of control
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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