i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
