I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
