She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
