I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize