i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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