you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
