I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she was so not down for the gang bang
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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