just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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