Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
