He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
