in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
