So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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