checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
