Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
