And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
