I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
