do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
