Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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