I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
