My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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