I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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