i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
