i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
