Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
